The New Sofa

(2008 Christmas Special)

"Don't decline a recline"


25th December 2008

Guest Starring:

Sir Tom Courtenay & Helen Fraser

Written By:

Caroline Aherne, Craig Cash, Phil Mealey

The New Sofa is the twenty second episode of The Royle Family.


Jim and Barbara are sitting in front of the telly watching Jamie Oliver stuffing a turkey. The doorbell rings and Barbara answers it to Dave and Denise. Denise announces her plans for tomorrows Christmas Dinner including cup-a-soups and Walls Vienneta, while Jim feasts through his box of After Eights. She also offers a turkey leg to everyone and tells Barbara that she won't miss seeing the kids on Christmas Day.

The doorbell rings and they hesitate before opening it. Barbara goes to open it and finds Twiggy who has just come out of prison for fraud, his son was in there as well and he was happy to get to see him all the time. They reflect on the condition of the world, Twiggy announces that he has ordered himself a Thai bride and Dave offers to have him for Christmas, much to everyone else's dismay once he goes out the door. Then Jim goes to the toilet for a Yuletide Log.

The next day, Jim reprises his place in his chair, while Barbara wishes him a merry christmas and unwraps his present for him, but he is surprised at her big reaction over socks. Meanwhile Denise and Dave run the bath to defrost the turkey. Barbara then asks Jim whether he bought her a present. He tells her he bought a baby pink dressing gown, but it is still in the shop. Dave is seen shaving in the bath with the turkey singing "I Wish it Could be Christmas Everyday." Meanwhile Jim is miserable that he has to spend Christmas with David Senior who he thinks is a big head. Barbara tells him to go and get ready.

In the kitchen Denise and Dave are slicing the carrots in front of a video of Nigella. The turkey is seen at different times to be under a sun bed and next to the fire to try and defrost it. Denise and Dave also spice up the fruit punch with a banana and lots of vodka. Jim and Barbara arrive and Dave boots the turkey into the airing cupboard. David Senior and Jocelyn soon arrive much to Jim's dismay. They consult over David Senior's ongoing battle with the next door neighbour and the state of the world. Denise reads out a schedule regulary interrupted by Jim who wants some alcohol. Dave hands out the punch and David Senior makes an toast to both families and to Dave buying a van off someone at work. Then they play around with the reclining sofa, Jim regulary denying to join in. Meanwhile in the kitchen, Denise is unimpressed with Dave's mingling with the others while she works the dinner. He then goes to get the turkey from the airing cupboard, disgusing it in a football shirt. Dave then gets to work using a chainsaw and a saw to try and cut the turkey in half. Twiggy arrives with stolen alcohol and makes his aquaintances.

At the table everyone enjoys their soup and they discuss a variety of subjects including Elvis, unruley bowls and David's Imaginary Twin, while Denise hands out triangle and oblong shaped pieces of bread. Denise calls David into the kitchen as she cries over the dinner being a disaster and him not helping out. Then he comforts her, before they both go out and confess to everyone what has happened and they tell her not to worry about it. When she says they have carrot crush they all cheer with happiness and dig in. David Senior confuses Twiggy to be gay, when he actually came out of prison making Jim and Twiggy laugh. They also discover that Hitler only had one testicle.

Jim gets the banjo out and they have a musical interlude. They sing to "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer," "Winter Wonderland" and "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" with Barbara on spoons, Twiggy on tambourine and harmonica and David Senior on Ukelele. As the camera pans out in focuses on a bauble of Nana smiling.

Later that night in bed, Jim starts to get intimate with Barbara, but he is interrupted with the runs of David Senior's rhubarb wine holding his bare bum on the way out.